Total Obliteration
by Miraluna
Summary: How come when you play Blitzball, even if you're winning, EVERYONE STILL CALLS FOR WAKKA? HUH! THIS FIC WAS MADE IN RESPONSE TO THAT. (Warning: If you love Wakka, we suggest you back away from the fic.)
1. Chapter 1

One day, the stupid Wakka was walking down the shores of the beach. He thought he saw a blitzball from a distance, so he swam to go get it because he's a **frikkin blitzball nerd**.

However, he just ate 5 minutes ago, so a MAJOR CRAMP PARALYZED HIS ENTIRE BODY CAUSING THE PAIN TO WORSEN EACH TIME HE MOVED. Slowly, he sank to the bottom of the ocean, but he could still breathe because for some reason they breathe for an insanely long time underwater in this game, sadly.

Yuna was practicing her summoning skills and so, Shiva was called out to see how strong her Diamond Dust became. THE DIAMOND DUST FROZE THE ENTIRE OCEAN WITH WAKKA INSIDE IT. But Yuna didn't know, so she then summoned Ifrit. THEN IFRIT USED HELLFIRE GRABBING A CHUNK OF THE GROUND, MAKING IT INTO A METEOR AND SMASHED IT INTO THE FROZEN OCEAN.

Wakka was in pieces. And finally, Yuna summoned Bahamut who used this ULTRA TIME CHANGING RAY THINGY THAT MADE WAKKA PIECES DISSOLVE INTO THIN AIR, ERASING HIM FROM EXISTENCE.

"Wow, Yuna, good job!" said Lulu proudly, not knowing that she just TOTALLY DESTROYED Wakka.

Tidus became blitzball captain after Wakka's disappearance. "He's probably a chicken that is not fit to be captain, so Tidus you are the new captain!" Lulu said. The people of the village surrounded Tidus, lifting him up in to the air.

One week later, and Wakka hadn't returned. Tidus had been crying on the floor sucking his thumb because it brought back memories of his father leaving him. The blitzball team cried too, cause Tidus was their only good player.

Lulu was sitting around all brooding and emo when she saw a bright light from the sky. "It's… a bird..!" she said. "No, it's a plane….! Oh wait, what the heck is a 'plane'?"

Then the figure descended from the clouds.

"It's… Chappu!" she gasped.

"Lulu! Do you remember me? The hot sibling of Wakka?"

"Yes! I pictured your face everytime I was with him! You are hotter than the sun itself!"

"Lulu, will you marry me?"

"Yes! Yes I will! Forget about Wakka!"

"Who?"

**"Exactly!"**

Their wedding took place on the shore that Wakka disappeared on. There were birds chirping songs and flowers filled the beach. They got married.

Now, it was Tidus' turn to make a move.

He quit sucking his thumb and went to find Yuna to tell her something very important. "Yuna… when I first saw you, I was like. MAN, what a beauty! And here I am, and you are STILL SUPER HOT!"

She blushed.

"Actually, I kind of thought you were an old man. But we can just forget about that," he laughed. "But, if you were an old man, you'd still be super hot, probably! Wait a minute, what am I saying?"

Yuna gasped. "Tidus, are you gay?"

"NO!" he said, like the straight white boy he was. "OF COURSE NO-"

Suddenly, Auron walked into the scene. Tidus' mouth started to water.

Yuna gasped. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!"

"NO WAIT! It's just because of the tuna wrapped around his neck!"

Yuna looked closer and saw the tuna. "Oh, I guess you're right. Haha!"

Tidus continued his speech. "Anyways, when I first met you… I wanted to marry you…"

He knelt down on one knee. "So here I am, a hella lot of years later, and I finally have the guts to do it.." He smiled awkwardly. "Will you.."

Auron walked up to them and grabbed the tuna from his neck, slapping Tidus in the face.

"You're still too young, you whippersnapper!"

"But I'm like, a thousand years old! Don't you remember?"

"That doesn't count!" He slapped him again.

Mufasa's face appeared in the sky. "Tidus, in order to marry Yuna, you must avenge Wakka's unrested soul."

"Avenge? He was murdered? NOOOOOOOO!" Tidus cried, his voice echoing in the distance.

Will Wakka's soul be avenged? To be continued...

(a/n: okay, we're only mad cause of how Wakka is called in the blitzball game, even when you're winning and Tidus is so sad and stuff so we feel bad. We don't hate Wakka this much, just letting you know XD. We hope you enjoy and laugh throughout the entire fic!)


	2. Chapter 2

THERE HE WAS RED EYED AND ALIVE FOR SOME REASON HE SURVIVE THE OBLITERATION. HE WASHED UP ON THE SHORE ON THE DESTROYED BEACH AND THERE, LULU AND CHAPPU FOUND HIM.

"LULU-" CHAPPU SAID.

"SHH, ILL FINISH THIS…" THERE SHE USED HER MAGIC; FIRAGA, WATERGA, THUNDAGA, AND BLIZZAGA MIXED TOGETHER FOR THE ULTIMATE MAGICAL MOVE.

THE ULTIMATE MAGIC BLASTED HIM OFF TO THE AIR AND AS HE WAS IN THE AIR, HE YELLED,

"**WAKKA BLASTING OFF AGAAAIIIINNNNN~"**

"YUNA, WILL YOU MA-"

_THUD._ WAKKA LANDED ON THE BALCONY WHERE THE PROPOSAL WAS RUINED.

"WAKKA?!" TIDUS YELLED. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! YOU JUST RUINED MY MOMENT WITH YUNA!"

"WAIT A MINUTE, TIDUS…. THERES SOMETHING ODD ABOUT WAKKA…. HES A ZOMBIE!"

TIDUS HELD OUT A POUCH OF HOLY WATER, SPRINKLING IT ON WAKKA.

"**EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"** THEY BOTH YELLED, SEE THE HORRIBLE DISASTER THAT HAPPENED TO HIS FACE.

"OH WAIT, THATS HOW HES SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE," TIDUS LAUGHED. "HA HA HA."

"TIDUS, YOURE SCARING ME." YUNA SAID.

"HA HA HA." HE CONTINUED.

"_STOP_."

"WE SHOULD PROBABLY BE GIVING HIM SOME MEDICAL AID."

"ITS IMPOSSIBLE, HES STUCK WITH THAT FACE FOREVER."

"NO WAY, IM SORRY WAKKA BUT YOUR FACE CANT BE CURED," TIDUS SIGHED. "THERES ONLY ONE THING LEFT TO DO."

TIDUS STEPPED BACK A FEW FEET THEN RAN UP TO WAKKA AND KICKED HIM HIGH IN THE AIR LIKE A BLITZBALL.

"**WAKKA BLASTING OFF AGAAAIIIINNNN~"**

_DING._ HE FLEW IN THE SKY.

"YUNA, I THINK I DID IT…. I AVENGED WAKKAS SOUL…"

"DO YOU THINK SO TIDUS?"

"YEAH, SO YUNA, WILL YOU-"

LULU AND CHAPPU BUSTED THROUGH THE DOOR.

"BAD NEWS WAKKA CAME BACK AS SIN!" THEY SIMULTANEOUSLY YELLED.

WILL THE CREW BE ABLE TO COMPLETELY AVENGE WAKKAS SOUL? NEXT TIME ON TOTAL OBLITERATION.


End file.
